People You Know Too Well – Wednesday WIPpet

There are some people you know so well you can predict how they will react in any given situation. Things they’ll find funny (that perhaps no one else would), whether they can laugh off a slight, or will get out the pitchfork over some pet peeve. In today’s Wednesday WIPpet one of my characters, Jae realises she knows one man more than she’d care to admit, and she’s not altogether happy about it.

In honour of the 20th, this is 20ish lines from Chapter 20 of my Work in Progress, The Fall of the Kings.

Jae sighed and reluctantly started to run back up the trail towards the Sanctuary. She had to lift the hem of the hated skirt in order to do so, but she couldn’t very well discard it now. Zak had better hope she could pass for a city girl, or they were both going to be in trouble.

She didn’t know who she was madder with; Zak for heading off into certain discovery, or Stellar for suggesting she understood Zak. If she lived to a hundred she’d never fathom the logic of that man.

Yet as the trees thinned out, to her chagrin she had a pretty good idea of what Zak might be doing – because it was what she’d do herself; skirt the tree line and find a good vantage point to view the crowd. It would be all but impossible to find a few people in a crowd this size, but he would have been persistent and wouldn’t take risks.

Not immediately anyway – patience wasn’t his strong suit, especially when it came to Jae.

Then he’d probably assume they’d been caught. She scowled – in fact he probably skipped straight to that presumption, which meant he’d be looking for them. But where? The Order had a small tent set up to the side of the Sanctuary – he might get close and try and catch word of the two women – but that would mean crossing the God’s Way through the crowds. The alternative was to get close to the soliders’ station – and even he wouldn’t be so stupid as to risk that. Excepting it was on this side of the road and close to the trees.

She puffed out a breath and picked up her pace. Just this once Zak, why couldn’t you wait?

If you want to participate in the Wednesday WIPpet we love the company! The rules are simple, post something from your Work In Progress that relates to the date. 20 words or lines from page 20 or chapter 20 – you get the idea. Then add your list to this linky (hosted by the lovely K.L. Schwengel) or leave a link in the comments.

Happy Writing!

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “People You Know Too Well – Wednesday WIPpet

  1. Intriguing, but I got very muddled in here:

    “Then he’d probably assume they’d been caught. She scowled – in fact he probably skipped straight to that presumption, which meant he’d be looking for them. But where? The Order had a small tent set up to the side of the Sanctuary – he might get close and try and catch word of the two women – but that would mean crossing the God’s Way through the crowds. The alternative was to get close to the soliders’ station – and even he wouldn’t be so stupid as to risk that. Excepting it was on this side of the road and close to the trees.”

    Maybe I would be less muddled if I were reading the story as a whole, but I had a hard time understanding the train of thought and why it was happening. Did she arrive at this train of thought in not finding him where she first expected or is it a flow-of-consciousness-type meandering?

    1. Ack – the problem with picking a piece in the middle of the book (and also very first draft rough). She has just returned from the Dedication – a huge festival type thing (the streets are packed). She had to go in disguise because she is from an ethnic group vilified by the general population. He was supposed to wait, but jumped the gun and went looking for her (and Stellar who was with her). She’s mad and worried because he isn’t in disguise. She hopes to find him before he’s recognised and caught.

      Sorry for the confusion – but good feedback to have.

      1. A little re-wording should smooth it out, right enough. I’ve had people find passages confusing that I thought were as clear as day. So much changes from an outside perspective!

  2. Can’t wait to read this in its entirety.

    I took the paragraph Jubilare mentioned as Jae’s attempt at trying to puzzle out where best to start looking for Zak. “the two women” made me wonder. Sounds like there are only two in the Order. But that’s something you can’t worry about out of context.

    Great piece.

    1. Thanks – yes she is puzzling out where he is, although I’m probably jumping around in the narrative voice. The two women were Jae and Stellar (not of the Order)… But the world itself is quite complex, by this point in the story it should be clear.

  3. Like jubilare I got a little muddled on that same paragraph, with the line ‘Then he’d probably assume they’d been caught.’ I was confused who the ‘they’ were as I thought Jae was on her own but your reply to jublaire that Jae had been with Stellar cleared that up. It’s simply a context thing from reading an extract midway through the book.

    I immediately warmed to Jae when she ‘had to lift the hem of her hated skirt…’ a bit of a tomboy? I got a good impression of Jae from such a short extract.

    1. Yes too late I realised there wasn’t any context – Jae had been with Stellar right up until she had to go back for Zak (so hopefully okay in flow – but will check my language choices).

      Jae is a bit of a tomboy, and she particularly hated the skirt which Stellar made her wear (part of her disguise) – she usually wears leggings / trousers. I’m glad you warmed to her.

  4. I find the, “he’s probably…” thought-line that gives her a sense of urgency rather funny. I have definitely had moments like that, usually to find my worrying was compeltely unnecesary. More amusing is her irksomeness toward Zak even though she realizes she knows what he’s doing because *she* would do it. I gather Jae is not going to find all is well, though. Let’s hope she really doesn’t know Zak so well and that he’s got a contingency plan up his sleeve. 🙂

    1. The paragraph in question wasn’t meant to be funny – just her following his thought process. (Which is why it’s going to get an overhaul in the rewrite – is good to get this feedback). In some ways she is a lot like Zak which is why they crack heads often, but in other ways she really misses his motivation too – and can’t see what’s right in front of her face.

      Of course it doesn’t go according to plan – what would be the fun of that. Poor Zak though – she gives him a hard time, and once again he ends up doing something against his better judgment.

      1. Erp… that’s really just my broken sense of humor showing through. Unless someone else finds the scene funny, don’t worry about it coming across that way. I knew it was a serious scene and really enjoyed the glimpse into Jae’s thought process.

      2. Oh and I just re-read and realised you said rather funny – I had read it to be urgent rather than funny… Yes aim was urgent, but I do find her attitude to him amusing. *tries to remove both feet from mouth*

        Not on good form today… (it’s what happens when you try and read & reply to blog comments when you’re making the kids breakfast… on a school day too…).

    1. Well I’d hate to give that away… Lets say there is the closest thing that I’ll ever get to a love triangle about to make an appearance. But you know there is often a fine line between love and hate…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s