A Bully by Any Other Name – WIPpet Wednesday

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It’s time for the WIPpet Wednesday, when a group of us open up our Work In Progress to give you a sneak peak. This week’s WIPpet is 13 lines from page 13 of The Fall of the Kings. I particularly like the oaf in this passage. Despite the fantasy setting, a bully always looks like a bully.

The man was impossible to miss.  Jae found him in the nearest tavern, propping up the bar and telling all and sundry about his profitable day.  He was obviously as stupid as he was ugly – just as Tau described him; a big lumpy oaf, who mistakenly thought his size would protect him.  From the scars on his hands and face, this wasn’t the first time he’d let his mouth run away with him.

‘They want us to fear them.  Spouting their fairytales.”  He hawked up a great gob of spit, and hoiked it onto the wooden floor at his feet.  “But where was their magic today huh?”  He shook a big hammed fist and laughed loudly, his voice carrying over the noise of the tavern.  He didn’t seem to notice the bartender’s tight expression, or the increasing interest he was attracting.

Jae wondered if he’d be so vocal if his audience knew the Traveller he’d robbed and beaten was only a child.  A young, spirited boy still cutting his long teeth.

If you want to join us in the WIPpet Wednesday fun the rules are simple. Choose a portion of your Work in Progress that has some relevance to the date and post your link on this linky. Thanks as always to K.L. Schwengel for hosting!

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16 thoughts on “A Bully by Any Other Name – WIPpet Wednesday

  1. This is one mean oaf you’ve conjured up here! Details such as ‘he hawked up a great gob of spit…’ just add to his ugliness and mean spirit (glad I wasn’t eating my breakfast when reading this). I really like the dialogue too. I hope he gets his comeuppance…

  2. I totally adore this line, “He hawked up a great gob of spit, and hoiked it onto the wooden floor at his feet.” So vivid and utterly disgusting. It really pegs this guy. I love this WIPpet, can’t wait to read more and find out the fate of the oaf. Hopefully

  3. This is really atmospheric Raewyn. You set the scene beautifully. Your description of the oaf is vivid; it’s easy for the reader to picture themselves there watching this disgusting individual. BTW I was only thinking today how much I hate it when people spit on the ground. There’s really no need for it!!

    1. It’s gross – it really is. But it certainly seemed to fit this guy – I had quite a vivid picture of him in my head. I’m glad you liked it (although I’m not sure like is the right word…).

  4. Gah! What a jerk. Bragging about beating up a kid? I hope he gets a very public whomping by a girl less than half his size! Or maybe shrunk to less than half his current size? Might as well use magic if you’ve got it. Love it!

  5. This is excellent, but I think it would be stronger if you cut “He was obviously as stupid as he was ugly – just as Tau described him; a big lumpy oaf, who mistakenly thought his size would protect him.”

    Even though it is from Jae’s perspective, and this may be what she is thinking, his words and actions speak for themselves and tell the reader what he is like without Jae “stating the obvious.” If you want her thoughts on him, it might be better to have them come after the reader already has their own impression of him, and to have it come as more of an aside to herself, if that makes sense.

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