First Impressions: WIPpet Wednesday

It’s WIPpet Wednesday! The day when we pry open our Work In Progress and give you a peek inside. This week, in honour of the 17th I’ve posted about 17 lines from page 14 of The Legend of the Kings.

In this scene Jae is sitting in a bar waiting for reinforcements, and an opportunity to get even with the man who has robbed and beaten a traveller child (the fey). The start of this chapter was posted as A Bully by Any Other Name in an earlier WIPpet.

The bar door banged, and a few people turned to stare openly at the newcomer.  Not the others, they wouldn’t draw attention.  Instead a tall, lanky young man wearing the plain brown tunic of the Order, and hoisting a large journeyman’s pack stood in the doorway surveying the room.  Oblivious to the growing tension he made for the bar, taking the empty seat next to the oaf and dropping his pack at his feet.

“Here’s one that’ll appreciate a drink off the back of the fey.”  The big man raised his tankard with one hand and clapped the newcomer on the shoulder. “Taught one a lesson today.  Won’t be seeing his magic around here any time soon.”

Jae ground her teeth.  She wanted to rip his tongue out and silence his bragging forever.

Surprisingly the young man slid off the stool – away from the oaf, as if recoiling from a snake.   Retrieving his backpack, he caught the bartender’s eye and gestured towards the stairs.

“Any rooms free?”

The bartender nodded.  The young man made for the stairs, but then seemed to think better of it and turned back, staring at the brightly coloured scarf poking out of the man’s pocket as though something troubled him.  The whole tavern seemed to fall silent, so when he spoke the words seemed to ring out overly loud.

“There’s never a reason to be proud of stealing.”

The oaf turned crimson and started to his feet, but the young man didn’t seem to notice.  Having had his say he’d already turned and was striding across the room.

Jae couldn’t have been more surprised if he’d sprouted wings and flown away.  She’d never heard anyone stick up for a traveller before.  Especially one of the Order.  Realising her mouth was hanging open she shovelled in another spoonful of soup and watched the man disappear up the stairs.

If you want to join the WIPpeteers and share a piece of your own work in progress, add your link to this linky. Many thanks as always to K.L.Schwengel for hosting.



21 thoughts on “First Impressions: WIPpet Wednesday

  1. Gotta love when the characters like that get a much-needed dressing down! Intrigued by this young man now, I am guessing he has a bigger part to play.

    1. It’s actually Tobias (another main character who has turned up in other WIPpets). Jae and Tobias end up making a connection follwoing on the heels of this encounter. I like it when people stand up to the bully too!

  2. Nice. A bit of tension and intrigue to keep us wanting more — especially to find out more about the mysterious young man.

    1. Not a spoiler – this is the first time Jae ever lays eyes on Tobias. This first impression sets off a chain of events that brings these two together in an important way.

  3. I really like the quiet authority of Tobias and the way he calmly and brilliantly takes the oaf down a peg or two. Great reactions from Jae too – I think she’s pretty impressed by him.

      1. …and like I said last week, before last week’s snippet I just wasn’t enjoying these. I didn’t want to sound negative, so I wasn’t commenting on them. Last week’s was good and this week’s is as well.

      2. I’m glad I’m hitting a better note with you. I think half the battle is picking a good WIPpet, it’s very artificial picking a passage without spoilers from a random place in the text.

  4. I love that last line!

    I must say, I was hoping for some violence. The oaf certainly deserved it. I can’t argue with a well-aimed, publicly-humiliating zinger, though. Wonderful!

  5. Huzzah for the unexpected!

    Just a note: “The whole tavern seemed to fall silent, so when he spoke the words seemed to ring out overly loud.”

    Cuting uncertain words like “seemed” wherever possible strengthens your writing and makes the words mean something when they are truly needed. This sentence is a lot stronger as “The whole tavern fell silent, so when he spoke the words rang out overly loud.”

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